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[personal profile] forgoodorforawesome
o/` It's Strong Bad Email time! It's Strong Bad Email time! o/`


Dear Strong Bad,
How do you type with boxing gloves on?

Benito Bozo

*shakes head sadly, sighs* There's always somebody who didn't get the memo.


Dear Strong Bad,
What happened the first time you got drunk?

Just wondering,

Ah, yes. Finally, you two have a question I don't feel embarrassed anywhere inside to answer.

So, the first time I got drunk. My first cold one. I remember it like it was... *screen goes wavy, harp riff plays* ...a flashback.

[FLASHBACK: LI'L STRONG BAD and LI'L STRONG MAD resting up after some hard work pummeling LI'L STRONG SAD (who is wearing his Charlie Brown shirt).]


STRONG BAD: Good idea, big brother! Let's go over to Bubs' and get some drinks!

STRONG SAD: With the money you just beat out of me!

STRONG BAD: Don't worry, little brother; I'll get a blue drink, and you can have some!

STRONG SAD: You're not just jerking me around?

STRONG BAD: Perish the thought! I know you like blue drinks, and I know your money is making these drinks possible!

STRONG SAD: Ohh... all right. I'll come with you guys.

[George Lucas-style crossfade to: the li'l Brothers Strong strolling toward the concession stand when they see a tall, scrawny silhouette drinking from a bottle.]

STRONG BAD: Whoa! It's Señor Cardgage! And he's already got drinks!

[Sure enough, once the light hits the figure, it resolves into SEÑOR CARDGAGE, the creepy-yet-somehow-cool guy li'l Strong Bad wants to be when he grows up. He's eating a Zagnut bar and drinking a cold one.]

STRONG BAD: Maybe he'll share his drinks with me! That way, I'll get drinks and not have to pay for them!


STRONG SAD: He gives me nightmares. I wouldn't drink anything he's touched.


STRONG BAD: Okay then. Go on to Bubs' and get drinks you have to pay for.

[Strong Bad walks over to Señor Cardgage as his brothers walk away.]

STRONG BAD: Hey, Señor! What's shakin'?

SEÑOR CARDGAGE: Hey Strong Bad. I'm doin' really goodcellent. How 'bout you, miniunculus?

STRONG BAD: I'm fine, man. Say, what's that you're drinkin'?

SEÑOR CARDGAGE: This little pobation? It's a cold one. It's like soda pop for growndults.

STRONG BAD: Really? Grownups usually keep the good stuff for themselves! Could I try one?

SEÑOR CARDGAGE: I don't know. It's pretty mightent. But I guess just one can't hurtage you too seriously.

STRONG BAD: Thanks, Señor Cardgage! You're a cool guy!

[He grabs a cold one and drinks it.]

STRONG BAD: Yuck! This stuff tastes like a dog's bathwater smells!

SEÑOR CARDGAGE: Might as well endish it off. By the time you're done, you won't feeltice the taste.

STRONG BAD: Okay, man. I trust you. [He drinks up.]

[CUT TO: present-day Strong Bad, standing in a darkened room with a projector.]

STRONG BAD: As you might imagine, I don't remember too clearly what came after that. So the following is an artistic interpretation of some of my drunken antics, based on what everybody told me the next day. [checks his wristwatch] And I see we're running short of time, so I'll just give you the top two highlights. Or maybe lowlights. Headlights? [calls to offscreen] Roll 'em!

[The "Powered by The Cheat" logo appears on screen. The scenes that follow are in the jerky, poorly-drawn animation usually seen in Powered By The Cheat stuff.

A poorly-animated Li'l Strong Bad spray-paints STRONG BAD RULES! on the side of Bubs' poorly-animated concession stand.]


[CUT TO: li'l Strong Bad rushes up to Li'l Marzipan.]

STRONG BAD: Hey, Marzipan! I like you a lot! A lot, a lot, a lot!

MARZIPAN: That's nice, Strong Bad! Let me see if I like you back. [pause] Nope, I'm afraid I still don't. Sorry.

BIG STRONG BAD (V/O): I definitely remember the next morning, though.

[Scene (in normal animation): li'l Strong Bad lying in bed with the covers over his head.]

STRONG BAD (muffled): Oh man! My mouth tastes like Bubs emptied the concession stand trash cans into it!

[Screen goes wavy, harp music plays again. Cut to present-day STRONG BAD, sitting back down at the ol' Compy 386.]

So yeah. My first cold one, and my first hangover. I got used to the taste, eventually. Even got to like it. But I never got to like hangovers.

So in conclusion, drink responsibly. And if you can't drink responsibly, drink at home. That way, your own bed is right there to fall into, and you won't crash anyone's car. Now you know, and knowing is half the Mandatory Educational Content segment.

[CLANG! The paper drops.]
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April 2006

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